This lockdown was so different from the one last year. I just fell into it in relief. I let go of all the lists, goals, must-haves, shoulds, deadlines, took a break from social media and spent a lot of time in self-reflection.
It was almost like I had gone into winter when nature withdraws from the business of growing and expanding and settles into rest and replenishment. The silent darkness is full of restoration.
I found that on the other side of surrender lies joy. On the other side of letting go of outcomes lies lightness and peace. Detaching from the narrative connects you with your deeper, authentic self.
She looked at herself in the mirror
and shimmied a little, smiling at her
wan face, saying, “you look lovely!”
As though in apology to her own
reflection that didn’t smile back.
But replied in her head, “you liar!”
Her heart dropped into her belly,
that sea of tremulousness. “I love you,”
she cried in desperate defiance.
“You sentimental fool!” Old, hazy
voices rose from forgotten graves.
“You are not real.” She railed at
their fuzzy persistence. “Who do
you think you are?” Old shame
surfaced like dirty foam. “You’re
lies I believed for far too long.”
“Don’t delude yourself.” “I am
truth. I am light. I am pure love.”
She leaned toward her reflection
blurred through the tears, kissed
it. Her lover, her eternal friend.
It glowed and grew. It smiled back
through the misty glass. The sun
rose from the sea of grey, lifted
her heart, gave it wings. Light
pulsated through her veins, “Hello
Sunshine!” Her eyes twinkled back.